in memory of Nuala

The sound of Amazing Grace

Rang out from the seams of the walls

Heads turned looking for the source

Mandalas of blue hues swirled behind the flickering candles

A cloth of grey skies shimmered through

Incense, bundled bodies wrapped in grey and black

I saw a dusty pink hat with a red ribbon

Someone was brave

I sat at the edge in the back row

Ready to make my exit, if need be

The woman with the pink hat came to sit beside me

I moved over, no longer at the edge

She took out a picture of you

Put it on the wooden ledge

I tried not to look

It’s as if you’re stepping out into the world

Beaming

On your wedding day

A simple band of daisies in your hair

Up and down, on our knees

Archaic hymns and readings

I am filled with feelings

I cannot express

I fight the swelling tears

Think of something funny you said

I say it like a mantra in my head

Hysteria

What If I laughed out loud?

Would I be like one of those mad people?

Good grief

A battle between tears and laughter

Neither wins

But I cannot stay here

Out onto the winter streets

To the crowds drinking mulled wine

As if nothing happened

I missed the ringing of the bells

For you

Rest In Peace